Goal: To improve conflict management skills
1. The student will be able to name reasons for using self-control.
2. The student will be able to tell body cues that may signal losing control.
3. The student will be able to use process steps to maintain self-control.
1. Stop and count to ten.
2. Think of how your body feels.
3. Think about your choices:
a. Walk away for now.
b. Do a relaxation exercise.
c. Write about how you feel.
d. Talk to someone about it.
4. Act out your best choice. (McGinnis and Goldstein, 1980 p. 145)
Definition: Showing self control is the ability to refrain from violent and/or destructive words or actions when extremely upset or angry. Ability to calm self before attempting to solve a problem.
Rationale: If you do not use self control you might hurt yourself or someone else, damage or destroy property, receive negative consequences, lose friends, or be excluded from peer group. Also, problems cannot be solved unless you can think calmly.
Use this skill when you are feeling so upset you need to calm yourself before trying to do something about the problem. (Possible situations: when you fail at something you try, when people won't do what you want, when you have to do something you don't want to, when you can't have something you want, when the person you are dealing with loses self- control.)
What are some consequences if you lose self-control?
How does your body feel when control is lost?
Discuss pictures depicting body language or TV show without sound to cue into body language.
Set the Stage:
Society has laws to protect people from physical abuse and destruction of property.
When you are angry or upset never do anything which could hurt yourself or someone else.
When you are angry or upset do not do anything which could damage property.
If someone begins to lose control with you, do not respond by losing control yourself.
Model/Role-play with Feedback
Do relaxation exercises.
Describe and practice positive self talk as a method of controlling thoughts and feelings.
Teacher provides immediate reinforcement/feedback when she observes students using skill at school.
Role play situations:
You control your anger at teacher when he/she corrects you harshly.
You control self when parent grounds you.
You control self when friend takes something without asking permission.
You are behind in your school assignments.
Your parents won't let you go to a movie.
A friend borrows something of yours and breaks it.
Your brother or sister tattles on you.
Someone cheats in a game.
You ask parent to help you solve problem with sibling who wants to fight you.
You go for help when he/she see peers fighting on school steps.
Your aunt is always criticizing the way you dress and wear your hair. You would like to tell her she's too old to wear short shorts, and blue-rinsed hair is out. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 100-102)
It's the first nice Saturday in spring. You want to go on a long bike ride, but you promised to paint a room in the basement today so it would be ready when your grandmother comes to visit tomorrow. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 100-102)
You want to be on the wrestling team, but you have to love five pounds to qualify.
Your friends are all going out for pizza after a movie. (Walker and et al, p. 100-102)
Your social studies class is listening to a speaker, a very highly respected state senator. She is talking about some very serious issues. Your friend Jenny is making faces and acting silly. You start to giggle uncontrollably. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 100-102)
You are walking to a friend's house in the late afternoon. A car full of kids you don't know stops, and they start yelling threatening things to you. You are about one-half block from your friend's house. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 68-71)
You are on the school bus, and the kid in the seat behind you grabs you around the neck and starts choking you. He and all his friends laugh. Then he finally lets you go. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 68-71)
At the dance, you have just finished dancing with someone when another student comes up to you and tells you that you are dancing with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend and that if you do it again you will be sorry. Then he/she hits you in the stomach. (Walker and et al,
An older kid takes your seat on the bus.
Application with Feedback
Home check sheet and school check sheet for adults to sign off on when students maintaining self-control is observed. Check sheet can be turned in for reinforcement.
Social Skills Curriculum Guide, 1992
Special School District of St. Louis County